the world in my head unravels slower than time
Back, but memories of 2012 still run laps in my head. Summer has been endless road trips and sea salt, hair in my mouth from the wind ; incandescent like sunlight catching on M’s silhouette at the doorway. I would like to believe that nothing scares me anymore.
As a “creative”, I am aptly wary of employment, choosing to live out a few indulgently domestic months after graduation but alas, Jinesh’s “two internships for summer ONLY” and Hazel’s persistent six-month-no-pay affair has guilted me into pursuing my own sweatshop glory. Productivity, hark me!
Dad brings home lovely stacks of notepads all the time and I am keeping at least three journals running concurrently but these random tons of paper lying around never seem to lie around when you really need them, and you end up buying more or (in a fit of miserly pique) using your palms in exasperation.
Going through an old playlist, getting struck by two years of memories so vivid, so pertinent and visceral, they are almost tactile. I can feel them as if they have textures, textures rubbing against against my calloused fingertips. Pervasive memories like lucid dreams. Entering Lasalle and making friends with Agri. Tim – rain, white sheets and riding horses. Starbucks Liat. Painting the school at night with Hazel and Sheryl and getting busted the day after. Joe and excesses. Sheena and mister tea afternoons. Holding on to Jinesh as he goes down the other fork in our crossroads.
In case you were wondering, it is 周杰倫 (duh!)
Life hasn’t had a soundtrack lately, which is just as well. I want to forget this terrible stasis.
Much empty love!
First week away from school and I have been… unproductive – Silas in the day, frappas in the afternoon, and beers all night, talking to Adam who tells me too much fun will kill me. “If this is fun for you, you need to stop having so much of it”, sniffed Jinesh as we drove to spend a Holland Village Sunday, throwing our cares into the weekend air.
In the Marmalade Pantry he sniffs again abstrusely at my “unadventurous” taste, judging and dismissing my brownie from beyond a sticky red date toffee pudding. All this pomp and circumstance, yet I was sitting on a plastic Ikea chair (and also I don’t like cake). Sunday afternoon sullenness.
Moderation and self-discipline. What are they? How can one achieve these qualities/elevated states of being/enlightened modes of thinking?
Me : This week’s submissions and I spent the last twenty-four hours on Youtube!
Jinesh : Some Japanese serial?
Me: Not even there.
Jinesh: No it can’t be that Chinese one with the four guys.
Me: T-T